Because Going to therapy ≠ Doing therapy ≠ Benefiting from therapy.
Let me explain...
Let's be real: Therapy isn't a magic. It' work.
What it actually means to engage in therapy, to do the work, and to benefit from it?Because—spoiler alert—just showing up to therapy doesn’t automatically transform your life.
Think of it this way: imagine someone signs up for a meditation class. Every week, they sit cross-legged, close their eyes, and... spend the entire session running through their to-do list. Work deadlines, groceries, that awkward text they sent. They’re going to meditation class, sure. But are they actually meditating? Nope.
Now, picture someone else who does meditate beautifully in class. They breathe, they focus, they reach a place of deep calm. But the moment they leave, they explode with road rage at the first traffic jam. Or they snap at their partner over dinner. They’re doing meditation—but are they really benefiting from it?
The same goes for therapy.
Going to Therapy vs. Doing Therapy vs. Benefiting from Therapy
Some people go to therapy. They sit in the chair (or log into Zoom), vent about their week, and leave. They check the box: “Went to therapy.” But real change? That stays locked away.
Then, there are those who do therapy. They show up, engage in deep conversations, explore their past while processing unresolved issues, demonstrate vulnerability and curiosity, rediscover their inner purpose, and connect the dots. But outside of sessions? They stay stuck in the same destructive cycles. They might understand their triggers and their unhealthy, repeated patterns—but they don’t actually do anything differently.
And then, there are those who benefit from therapy. These people take what happens in the session and let it shape how they move through life. They don’t just process emotions in the therapist’s office; they practice new ways of thinking, relating, and responding outside of it. They work on breaking patterns, they embrace discomfort, and—most importantly—they apply what they learn.
Therapy is About More Than the Hour in Session
To truly benefit from therapy, you have to go beyond just attending. You need:
Openness – To explore what you don’t yet know about yourself.
Vulnerability – To peel back the masks that life experiences have layered over you.
Curiosity – To ask, “What can I learn from this?” even when it’s uncomfortable.
Willingness to change – Because insight without action is just knowledge, not transformation.
If you come to therapy but keep your emotional doors locked tight, you’re going to therapy—but you’re not doing it. And if you do therapy but don’t integrate it into your life, you’re doing therapy—but not benefiting from it.
The Fitness Metaphor
Think of therapy like a fitness routine.
You can go to the gym every week, walk on the treadmill at the lowest setting, and leave. You’ve “gone,” but have you really worked out?
You can do a workout, sweating through each session, feeling the burn. But if you go home and eat junk food every day, how much are you really progressing?
Or—you can commit to the process. Push yourself in workouts, fuel your body with the right foods, and see real transformation over time.
The Takeaway: Engage, Apply, Transform
If you’re struggling in relationships, work, or your sense of purpose, therapy can be life-changing. But it’s not magic. You have to meet it halfway. It’s not just about attending sessions—it’s about how you show up in life in between.
So ask yourself: Are you going to therapy, doing therapy, or benefiting from therapy? Because the answer could make all the difference.
This article was written by Dr. Kalanit Ben-Ari, a psychologist, psychotherapist, trainer, and international speaker. With a doctorate in Psychology, Dr. Ben-Ari has over 25 years of experience in the field and currently runs a private clinic in Hampstead, London. She is also an author, speaker, and therapist supervisor, and served as the Chair of Imago Relationships Therapy UK from 2013 to 2023.
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